The Red Umbrella
by Fan Fan Girl
Summary: Complete. Spoilers. Xelha has run away in the night. It's a crisis in the eyes of Barnette, who can't seem to let her caged bird fly free.
1. 1

I have tried in earnest to put the matter out of mind, yet it seems, to my deepest chagrin, that my efforts are in vain. My nights are long and sleepless, my comfort disturbed. I toss and turn endlessly just waiting for dawn, or a release from this torment. The maids have offered all kinds of tea to soothe my nerves, but the leaves come from Anuenue and I don't believe I can bear to touch them. For now, all I can do is to rely upon my patience and upon my queen's good sense.

Though, I do say, the dreadful premonitions that come to me in the night are most unnerving. Within my mind's eye, quite often I see her impoverished on the streets, or lost hopelessly in a city... I imagine her wandering here and there, calling out to me as she used to... Of course, those times are many years past. But in several ways my queen is yet very much a child. Her nature is gentle and open, but too often she is partial in her consideration. She is quite stubborn and single-minded, and she cannot, it seems, grasp the extent of her duty to her country. Obviously, the last trespass pains me most of all.

I am wont to take the responsibility as my own; after all, I raised her. I tried to shape her into a fine young woman worthy of her nation, and in some ways I succeeded. Yet in other terrible ways, I have failed. This thought distresses me beyond words.

Now there is no longer anything I can do. Somehow the power has slipped from my hands. Granted, other responsibilities have been bestowed upon me — dealing with palace affairs is not something I am unused to — but I believe that my queen's wellbeing should be my principal concern. I have sent the three witches out to find her already. I am not prepared for the confrontation I shall have to make on the day they return, but I can't allow this misfortune to continue any longer.

Recent circumstances have created so many difficulties for us that our relationship has become something foreign. It feels as though I'm talking to an outsider when we are together; it is painful for me to see her this way. I think back to when she took her first step towards the outside world, and the naivety she possessed. I think of her return. Of course it pleased me to see her, but I recognized immediately a new light in her eyes. I had the strange feeling that she'd been to the other side of the universe.

But that is foolishness. Clearly my queen had just been overwhelmed. I was ready to welcome her back to the throne, as were the servants and citizens, so we were fastidious in our arrangements. The kitchens in the lower levels of the palace were the busiest I've ever seen them and the cleaning staff was nearly in a panic. As the head of estate in my queen's stead, I was to ensure that she be duly satisfied upon her return. Workers remained in her room for days, changing furniture, re-icing the floors, smoothing over the imperfections on her walls. I oversaw these as well as various other activities in Cursa.

It was nearing the end of spring when my queen returned. The three witches and I traveled to Mira to see off the young man's Guardian Spirit, though the four of us and the people of Wazn knew what would truly take place. Though I never told her majesty, I possessed the knowledge that she would return upon releasing the Ocean. I didn't feel it was necessary to tell her, and besides, I believed that such an experience would allow her to cherish life and country even more.

She was allowed to spend a few days in the company of her friends before we decided to return home. I left a skilled chef in charge of Kaffaljidhma, and though his leadership skills are superb, I worried that the ice sculptors might not pay him any mind. They were to work on renovations around the castle for the queen's sake; these stray citizens were by no means long-term employees. It is important to develop trust in order to lead, and that is what the workers and the chef did not have.

We brought the queen back to the refurbished castle and allowed her to rest, as I firmly believed that after such a long journey, she must have wanted to take the time to reestablish her place there. The citizens of Wazn received her joyously. She, for her part, seemed glad to see them as well, though she never went into the city for long.

I will take the time here to say that she did seem to have changed in her manner and appearance. Her skin had darkened some, although she had always been a pale child, and she no longer wore the pink outfit from before. Instead she donned the robes of a witch, like the ones I wear, but when I questioned her about the change she never answered me. At first I felt as though she regarded me as a stranger; I began to feel disconcerted. She eventually resumed her old treatment of me, taking the time to converse about daily events and seek my advice, but she continued to keep her real thoughts hidden; I noticed that she never spoke of her journey to me and relied more and more on the foreigners who had begun to trickle in.

But her behavior wasn't extreme enough to cause discord between us. She didn't seem to notice that she had changed, and I wasn't about to disturb the peace.


	2. 2

It all began with the merchant caravan that came in from Anuenue. With the return of the Ocean, Wazn has made itself known to the other nations, and since that time has acted as host to many envoys and diplomats. We established peace early on with Queen Corellia of Anuenue and opened our borders to her citizens, though we have yet to confirm relations with Sadal Suud or any of the bickering political factions in Alfard.

The traders from Anuenue arrived before the castle gates ready to offer their services to the royal palace, though they had already passed through Cursa and many customers. Our servants, who had spilled from the palace doors to stare, quickly returned to work as the queen and I proceeded to the entrance. We welcomed the merchants, and despite having made quite a few transactions already that day, they seemed eager to begin displaying their wares — especially to the queen, whom they pulled aside and out of sight almost at once. They led me to a collection of jars filled with spices and I had one of the women from the kitchen appraise the herbs. Tea has become popular in Wazn since the return to Earth... I do not understand why; I can only speculate that the exoticism of the item causes its popularity.

As I inspected the dried plants, I soon found the queen back at my side. I turned to her with some curiosity. She looked shaken.

She held out a small red stick to me and asked for permission to buy it. I took the stick and studied the wrinkled cloth that covered its outside. Confused by the foreign design, I looked up at her and asked whatever could it be. She retrieved the item from me and slipped a hand inside of the cloth, pushing up until suddenly the cloth flew up into the taut shape of a circle.

What a strange contraption! Holding the bottom of the stick, one could shield one's head with the red cloth suspended tightly above. The circle's diameter was long enough that a single person could fit comfortably beneath it, and as the queen explained to me, it was used it to protect from the weather. In Anuenue, the tropical weather is quite spontaneous and rainfall may unexpectedly sweep overhead. Here in Wazn, snow is as predictable as the day is, but in the summer we do experience some freezing rain. Queen Xelha explained in a strange voice that it might become useful at such times.

I almost asked her if she was feeling well, but I decided that something abut the item — called an "umbrella" — had struck her fancy and her desire to own it was causing such a strained reaction. I granted her permission to buy it and went back to my study of the merchants' wares. She disappeared and I did not meet her again until business was concluded.

Together we saw the group off as they heaved the thick bundles back onto their shoulders and took up their colorful banners once again. I recall feeling some disdain for the attention that they called to themselves. They were loud and heedless of others, clearly a joyful people but irritating in their rowdiness. I felt the contrast between them and the tranquil figure standing beside me deeply, yet at the same time I noticed a certain mistiness to her gaze.

The queen and I resumed our duties after this. At the time, I did not realize that anything significant had occurred.

The merchants stayed on in Cursa, discussing plans of setting up a permanent shop there. The queen agreed to their petitions without hesitation; I was given no say in the matter. I do not think that I would have opposed them, though, had she given me the power to do so. I still did not realize what was happening.

She was absent from the palace frequently. This worried me. As a ruler, I thought, would it not be wiser to command her people from the throne? While before she rarely ventured into the village square, now she constantly went there. Perhaps she is visiting with her nation's people, I wondered to myself. Or perhaps she is lonely.

At this last thought I was aghast. Could she be lonely? I wondered if it was possible that I was not providing her with personal fulfillment. After all the pains I had taken, how could this be?

I believed that after my lady released the Ocean, she would return to a state of emotional stability. She would begin to appreciate life and her people, thus becoming a wiser queen. I felt that my actions would cause her develop into a woman worthy of her crown.

I began to feel great unease about the present situation. I knew that I had to draw her back to her responsibilities, but how? I began to craft a plan, considering my queen's weaknesses and level of vulnerability. If I could create the right conditions, I could rescue her from her suffering. I made the necessary preparations.

Now, as I have mentioned, the queen returned with us during the beginning of summer, just when the snows of Wazn begin to turn into slush. The weather this year has been relatively mild, though in past years freezing rain has come in torrents. Summer is a frightful time for our people because rain is much more dangerous than snow. One can easily brush off bits off snow, but the icy showers of summer soak through clothes and chill the skin. Queen Xelha was never very susceptible to the rain, but even she is human. I worried that, with all of her excursions, she would become ill. I reminded her to watch her health, though she didn't seem to hear my counsel.

It was then that I proposed that she use her red umbrella. Weeks after having bought it, she still hadn't removed the funny little stick from its place against her wall. When I made the suggestion she looked at me in astonishment, her mouth strangely quivering. Then she agreed to use it, exclaiming: "I'd almost forgotten!"

I couldn't well imagine what had gotten into her. Normally my queen is not so absentminded as to forget her own affairs, though I do admit that a simple umbrella does not warrant much meaningful contemplation. I would not have mentioned it either, were it not for the cold shoulder I was receiving...


	3. 3

The very next week was overcast and the clouds that loomed over Cursa were certain and ominous, dark bulges that indicated rainfall. On one particular day, I recall sending word through the palace advising our servants to take care in such frightful weather conditions, as I was gravely concerned. The skies boiled; by evening they were nearly black.

I observed the outside from the small ice windows that were located in the ritual room, where I spent most of the day preparing for the discussion I planned to have with Queen Xelha, working alone, stopping only to take meals and monitor the palace servants. The work that I accomplished drained a large amount of my magical powers and each hour that I worked seemed a day; I was very tired by the end of it. My task was difficult, and I had not used so much magic for quite some time, but I believed that it would serve me, my queen, and ultimately the entire nation, very well.

After toiling those long hours, when I had completed the preparations to full satisfaction, I left the ritual room and directed my path toward my queen's room. I went steeped in anticipation, as I knew that my actions would determine her future. At that time, I could only hope that what I was doing was best for her and, indeed, I believed it was.

It was quite unexpected that I met her in the hallway as I went to her room. She was running swiftly along the corridor, the hood of her robe pulled over her head and she seemed preoccupied, as she kept her face hidden and did not watch her own steps. I called out to draw her attention and she halted immediately, looking for the source of my voice. When she found me, she quickly bowed her head and greeted me. "Queen Xelha," I said, most reverently, "are you currently running an errand? I do not wish to disturb your schedule, but truth be told there is an important matter of which I must speak with you."

"Oh... I'm afraid that now isn't the best time. I have an important appointment to keep, and it wouldn't do to keep them waiting. Could we talk later?"

I searched her face patiently. "Well, if I must, I shall wait. Where are you going?"

"Outside," she said, glancing past me at the staircase positioned at the end of the hall. "We're meeting in Cursa."

"But my dear queen, have you looked outside? It could storm any moment. What would we do if you were caught in the middle of it?"

"Don't worry so much, Barnette. I'll be fine. Now before it gets too late..."

"But Queen Xelha!"

"Yes?" She turned her face towards me.

"This – this is most urgent. It concerns your future, as well as all of your recent excursions. It must be discussed. Can you not meet another day, at a more convenient time?"

My queen shook her head. She began to walk away from me, saying, "This is very important to me, Barnette. I'll be back as soon as I can. You'll wait for me, won't you?" With these words she turned and spirited down the hall.

I almost followed to stop and persuade her, but I decided that whatever my lady was doing, she would keep her word and be quick about it. So I held myself where I was, trying to conceive of what would be expected of me next. As I stood there, the voices of the servants as they greeted their queen echoed up the stairs. I exhaled slowly, feeling the day's work all too well.

While my lady was gone, my options were limited. I could reinforce my plans' preparations, perhaps, but I had spent almost the entire day casting magic and I was weary. The servants might have needed looking after, though I convinced myself that the head maids would be capable of keeping the peace for one day. My final option was to wait for Queen Xelha's return.

Collecting myself, I unfolded my arms and proceeded to the queen's bedroom. I gently pushed the door open and entered, welcomed by a burst of cool air. I gazed at the furnishings inside and the items that have ornamented her room since she was a child. The chill cerulean bed, the sparkling chandelier, the desk where she reads — used to read — by lamplight in the evening. I swept across the room to take a seat at the desk.

I stretched my fingers across its surface, slowly, like creeping liquid, and then quickly drew them together in a firm grasp. I lowered my head to rest on the thumbs of my hands, and exhaled.

I could remember the day when Xelha's mother passed away. It was a still winter day with the snow cold upon the ground; little Xelha's voice echoed through the halls. The other witches and I had just completed the transference spell.

A great woman lay motionless in her bed, and now the little girl at her side was the newest bearer of the hopes and dreams of a millennium. But little Xelha cried endlessly and I was on the verge of becoming embarrassed by her behavior. I expected that her new position as Ice Queen of Wazn would have encouraged her to control her emotions better. I allowed her to grieve for the greater part of the day, but at last she was removed to another room.

Looking back on memories such as this one, I realized that Queen Xelha had always been one ruled by her heart. I know this now more than ever. It hurts me to confess this, but I must do so without regret. It is her greatest fault, it always was, and as I sat in her room I was determined to eradicate it.

Lifting my head from my hands, I turned to stare at the balcony, which was reinforced with magic to keep the elements outside. In my mind, every facet of our relationship was presenting itself to me. I, as her guardian, was to guide her, protect her, and raise her. I had done this — and yet the hours that passed that night as I waited for her were like drops of water, slowly collecting weight but lingering in the air.

I cannot recall how many hours passed. Once, a maid entered and touched my shoulder to rouse me. She inquired as to whether Queen Xelha would be dining in her bedroom or in the banquet hall. I replied that the queen had not left me with specific orders, so to please bring the meal to her room. The maid curtsied and left.

I turned to gaze at the balcony, where freezing rain had painted a coat of ice on the barrier. The night beyond was black and deep, and made me anxious for my queen. I told myself that certainly she had taken shelter in a house or shop; she was not so foolish as to stay in such a torrent.

In the hours that passed, sleep overtook me; my mind was numbed by guilt, worry, and weariness and in this state it was eased into formless dreams. Suffice to say, it was not a restful sleep.

As images moved in my mind, covered in a darkness that I assumed was rain, I was awakened by a small voice. One of the maids stood beside me reporting that Queen Xelha had just returned to the palace. I lifted my head and glanced quickly at the balcony to see rain still hammering the barrier. I got out of my chair and hurried past the maid, inquiring after my queen's current location. She said that Queen Xelha was at the palace's entrance. I began to walk swiftly.

I hurried and the queen and I met halfway in a dimly-lit stairway. I nearly cried out at the sight of her. She was running up the steps, the umbrella in her hands, looking absolutely terrifying. Half of her was dry, the other half wet. I realized that the umbrella was only large enough to compensate for one person's whole body. Half of her dark robes were utterly soaked, half of her hair was plastered to face, half of her gaze was... gone. I called out to her, but I did not know if she would hear me. She turned her head, slowly, and looked through me. She told me that she was sorry, that right then she had to change her clothes. I accepted her wishes, uncertain what to think.

Though disturbed by her distant manner, I led her up the stairs. We walked to her bedroom together and I held the door open, allowing her to go in. I took the umbrella and half-soaked robe from her, and underneath the witch's robe it was revealed that she wore an elegant black gown and a belt studded with jewels. She moved to her dresser and took out a package while I called a servant to take the robe away. I saw her begin to remove the belt and gown.

"Queen Xelha, shall I get some warm night clothes for you?" I ventured. "You must be freezing, after coming in from such weather."

Rain continued to pelt the magic barrier outside. It made the room sound silent. She turned to me and said, "No. I'm fine. I'll be changing into these. I'm sorry if I worried you tonight."

I thought that I saw a smile on her face, but now I doubt my own memory. She couldn't have smiled, especially considering the meaning of clothes she removed from the package. The pink outfit from her days travelling the outside world.

"Queen Xelha?"

She didn't respond. I knew that she was in another world and that certainly it was useless. She took off her formal wear and began to put on her old clothes. A transformation occurred before my eyes as she tied her red sash, stepped into the red slippers, and reached for a deck of Magnus. She smoothed the wrinkled fabric, and with fear in my eyes I saw her become youthful and more self-assured. She turned to me, seeming to see me for the first time, and informed me that she was leaving.

She said that she no longer felt guilty about trying to fit into her role as the Ice Queen, and that she had no fears concerning Wazn's future, because she knew it would fare better in the hands of someone who truly cared. Her feelings were that she did not belong in Wazn and that she was too isolated in the palace. She spoke of longing to be free, of wanting to grow and become independent; her eyes shone as she confessed her secret meetings with her old friends inside the merchant caravans from Anuenue, where she plotted a new life with them. She was destined to be Wazn's final Ice Queen, she said, in more ways than one.

I was in complete shock.

Goodbye, Barnette. I know that you're anxious to keep me here, but this is what's best for me, I'm sure of it. With the recent trade and political relations I have no fear that Wazn will prosper on its own. Please take care of everyone for me. That is what she said. Queen Xelha hugged me gently and, with nothing more than her deck of Magnus, departed from the room.

I sat down at the table. My whole body was shaking. I called weakly for a servant, and when he came I ordered him to bring the queen her coat and umbrella, because in her rush she forgot to take them, and it was pouring terribly outside. He took the items and left. I did not know what to do.

I did not know what to do. I sat there for the rest of the night. In the morning I called my sisters, Kodelle, Glamyss, and Catranne together and explained the situation, ordering them to search for Queen Xelha and commanding the city of Cursa to search for any trace of her accomplices. She should not be allowed to escape, I had said. They searched for days. The entire time I was in thick fog. Eventually the merchants from Anuenue were eventually from Kaffaljidhma.

Quite suddenly I remembered that I had cast an intricate spell in the ritual room so that it would grant access to the Lake of the Dragon. There I planned to convince Queen Xelha of her duty to her country, rekindle her patriotism, and make her understand the depth of her responsibilities. I could do nothing further.

I have almost no memory of the year that passed after her departure. I know that every day I thought, still she is nowhere to be found.

Thinking of anything else was almost impossible for me. Of course, I was able to resume my duties of running the palace, but it was not the same. I was obsessed with failure.

To this day I am tortured. All of it is my fault, and I accept the burden of guilt. If only regrets could turn back time, I think to myself when I am alone at night. I regret being unable to persuade her, and I regret not be quick enough to reach her. That night, if only I had spoken to her before she left, perhaps she would have remained in the castle forever. It is difficult for me to bear an empty throne. My sisters have suggested that I take power, but I fear that I will become ill from sorrow before that should happen.

I cannot sleep. I do not know if I am capable of resting long enough to sleep. Yet I must continue with my life, of that I am sure. As I said at the beginning of my tale, I have tried in earnest to put the matter out of my mind. To my disappointment it will not be forgotten.


End file.
